


Regret

by the_technicolor_whiscash



Category: Pride and Prejudice (1995), Pride and Prejudice (2005), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Angst, Au where Darcy never proposed a second time, Confessions of love, F/M, Fluff, Letters, Traveling, thirty years after
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-24 13:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13812336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_technicolor_whiscash/pseuds/the_technicolor_whiscash
Summary: Darcy never made another proposal to Lizzy, and instead decided to travel the world. Thirty years later, he returns, finding that his love for her hasn’t diminished. But will she feel the same, after so long a time?





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this in one day and I have no regrets (ironically)

Fitzwilliam Darcy had regrets. Not just the average person’s regrets, about not being able to see the world (which he had), or not being able to experience the thrills of falling truly, deeply in love (which he had). He regretted two things most of all. The first was falling in love with Miss Elizabeth Bennet. The second, and undoubtedly the harsher one, was his regret of not continuing to pursue her. He should have gone to Longbourn and told her just how his affections had not changed, and in fact had grown since his initial proposal. But he didn’t. His fear of rejection outweighed his courage, and so for a long while he remained in Pemberley, never venturing outside, not accepting visitors, and wallowing in his own self-hatred. 

Over time, he realized the absurdity of this, and let a few of his friends back into his life. Namely, Charles Bingley. Bingley had always been supportive of Darcy, even though Darcy could be quite the ass, and he greatly appreciated his friend. At first, Bingley encouraged him to resume his pursuit of Elizabeth. But Darcy was stubborn, and since that didn’t seem to work, Bingley suggested travelling. 

And thus, Darcy packed up his things and left Pemberley, heading to the European continent. He spent the next thirty years travelling around Europe, the Americas, Africa, and the like, before finally returning back home. 

Pemberley had been kept up well while he was away. Everything seemed all as it had been when he had left. Except for Darcy himself. His time abroad had left him older and wiser. His heart was not so soft, and he did not fall in love nearly as easily. No, he found that, though he had met many an amiable woman (and man) in his travels, he did not find one he wanted to spend the rest of his time with. And he had come to terms with that. He would die an old stag, and he was content. 

The years had not left England untouched, however. After some inquiry, he found that most of the Bennet daughters had been married off. Mary to a preacher who would undoubtedly be as dry as she, Kitty to a young soldier who died at war and then to a man Darcy knew to have a certain amount of money. But Elizabeth didn’t seem to be married, or if she was, the records did not show it. A fear crossed Darcy’s mind that she had died, but there was no evidence to show of that either. 

He should not have been thinking so much about Elizabeth. They had not seen each other in thirty years, and she would in all likelihood be living a happy life far away from any thought of Darcy. But despite his attempt to push her out of his mind, his thoughts continued to return to her. So he decided to visit Longbourn, to see if she still resided there. 

Longbourn was the same as he had remembered it, though those who resided in it were different. After Mr Bennet died, and Mrs Bennet after him, the insufferable Mr Collins had taken over the household. However, Mr Collins was far too invested in his parsonage, so he spent most of his time there, or at Rosings Park with his beloved Lady Catherine. His wife Charlotte remained at Longbourn, alongside her dear friend Lizzy. 

Finding that Lizzy still remained at Longbourn was surprisingly motivational to Darcy. But most of his friends, besides Bingley, were either moved or deceased. Even if he could be friends with Lizzy would be an improvement on his life. And to see that she were still unmarried…

No. He wouldn’t do that. Not after thirty years apart. He would meet her, make polite chatter, maybe stay the night in the guest room, and then leave. He would not attempt to make any romantic actions towards her. 

Perhaps it would be better if he had not gone. But he was already on Longbourn’s doorstep, and it was too late for him to change his mind. 

He knocked the door gently. After a moment, he moved to knock again, but it opened, revealing the aged face of Charlotte Collins nee Lucas.

“Mr Darcy?” Charlotte exclaimed, recognizing him immediately. “Why, what brings you to Longbourn?”

“I’ve come for a visit.” He said, finding his voice small. “You see, I’ve just returned from a trip, and thought I’d stop by.”

“Of course, of course, come inside.” 

Charlotte invited Darcy in, leading him into the sitting room. Some of the furniture had changed, but it still felt the same as when he had been there decades ago. Sat in a chair, nose buried in a book, was Miss Elizabeth. The years had treated her kindly, not that Darcy had thought to look. 

“Lizzy, we have a visitor.”

Lizzy looked up from her book, her jaw dropping. “Darcy? Why, it must have been…”

“Thirty years.” Darcy interjected. He soon realized how quickly he had spoken, and lowered his eyes to the ground.

“Every time I went to Pemberley, they told me you weren’t there.”

Elizabeth had gone to Pemberley? Why? “That’s because I wasn’t. You see, I’ve been travelling abroad.”

“For thirty years?” 

“Yes. It was an enlightening experience. But I have since returned.”

“Ah.” She returned her eyes to her book. “I assume you’re married?”

“You’ve assumed wrong, then. I have not married.” 

“May I ask why?”

“I have not yet found the right person.” Though his words were spoken confidently, he felt anxiety welling up in his chest. This was a bad idea. 

“Hm. And will you be staying for dinner?”

“If you’ll have me.”

She lifted her eyes again, making contact with his, sending his heart aflutter. “Of course I’ll— we’ll have you.”

“Thank you.” He sat down for a moment, but stood up again. “You seem well.” 

“I am. My parents have died since we last met, and my sisters have married off, but other than that my life has not changed. I remain an old maid, and will probably die as such.”

“You are not so old yet. There is still time for you to find someone.”

“And who might you have in mind?”

Tension began rising in the room. Suddenly, Charlotte coughed. Darcy had almost forgotten that she was still in the room. “I’ll go make tea.” 

She scurried out, leaving the two alone. Darcy felt his face beginning to turn red, much to his dismay. “I was just saying, you could still find someone if you wanted to look.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that I could. I’m sure I could marry some boring old fart, with an average fortune, who might give me a comfortable future. But I have a comfortable life right here, so I don’t feel the need.”

“Living with Mr Collins?”

“You know as well as I that he spends twice as much time at Rosings Park than he ever does here. I barely see the man, and whenever he is home, Charlotte keeps him distracted with talking of the garden, or Lady Catherine, or reading sermons. Frankly I don’t know how Lady Catherine is still alive. Sometimes I wonder if she lives off of pure spite alone.” She almost laughed, but held herself back. “I apologize, I know she’s your aunt.”

“Yes, but a terrible one. She always encouraged me to marry her daughter, but I know her daughter showed no interest in me.”

“The poor girl died a few years after you disappeared. I assume that all of Lady Catherine’s fortune will go to you when she dies, if she ever does.”

“I have not been to see her since I’ve come back. Does she seem to be in good health?”

“Truthfully, I haven’t been back to Rosings since your aunt so graciously insulted me by telling me not to accept your hand in marriage, which I hadn’t anyways. But from Mr Collins’ description, it seems as though she’ll outlive us all.”

“Good. I do not need any more money than I already have.”

“Why don’t you donate some of it? Or better yet, give it to me. I’d be glad to see what I could spend it on.” Lizzy was smiling, and Darcy couldn’t help but smile back. 

“I’m sure you would. Perhaps I’ll give you Lady Catherine’s fortune, should she ever expire.”

“Please do. I should hate to see such a fortune go to waste, what with the way Mr Collins speaks of it.”

“What would you do with it?”

“Well, I can tell you that I would sell Rosings immediately to the lowest bidder. I need not such a house, especially not one as big and gaudy as that.”

Darcy raised an eyebrow. “Do you see Pemberley as big and gaudy?”

Elizabeth paused, thinking. “No. Your house is in much better taste than the beast that is Rosings. If I came into possession of your house, I should very much like to live in it.” 

“I’m glad to hear that you don’t consider my residence to be awful. If you should ever be in the area, don’t hesitate to visit.”

“I will, now that I know you’ll be home from your decades-long jaunt across the globe.” For some reason, she sounded almost hurt. “I won’t have to be greeted by the housekeeper telling me once again that you’re off somewhere with no address, and wondering if you’ve popped off to America and promptly died on the way.”

Darcy furrowed his brow. “Miss Elizabeth, if I’ve upset you in some way…”

“Yes, you have, Darcy. You left, without so much as even a letter, and disappeared for thirty years!” Her voice rose to a shout. “At first I waited for you. Then I waited for any kind of correspondence. And at some point, I realized it would be pointless to wait for someone who just dashed off into the wind without warning.” 

Darcy was taken aback by her sudden burst of emotion. “You waited for me? But why?”

“Because, I…” She seemed to be biting back tears, and words. “You were my friend, Darcy. You saved my family from ruin when it came to the wretched Lydia. You got Bingley to return and propose to Jane. I wanted you to come back. I wanted to see you. But you never came.”

“I… I thought…” 

“Whatever it was, you thought wrong.” She stormed out of the room, down the hall, and out the door, slamming it with a noise that reverberated throughout the house. 

Darcy collapsed into a chair and buried his head in his hands. Thirty years had taught him nothing. He was a fool. He was the same dumb-headed, stupid-assed, heart-sick fool as he had been thirty years ago. He never had the ability to read people easily, nor could he understand himself. 

“I heard shouting.” Charlotte said, bringing in a tray of tea. “And I think I can piece together what happened.” 

Darcy wanted to leave. He wanted to stand up, run out the door, and take his carriage all the way back to Pemberley. But he found himself glued to the chair, unable to leave. “I am a fool.”

“It certainly seems like that, yes. But we are all fools in love.”

“I did not think I would be so in love with her after so long, but upon seeing her face, it was as though I had been struck in the heart.” 

“I am probably not the best to speak on matters of the heart, as I married my husband because I saw no other options. But I’ve known you two for a while. Apologize to her, try to mend your bridges. If nothing else, you can still be friends.”

Darcy found himself to be on the brink of tears. “I would like that. Even just to be near her would be better than the ultimate rejection.”

“I can talk to her. I’m sure she’s cooled down by now. Just try to keep your head up.”

Darcy nodded, and Charlotte left, following the same trail Lizzy had forged on her way out. Leaning back in the chair, Darcy was left to stew in his own thoughts. Unfortunately, he wasn’t left for long. 

“Mr Darcy!” Mr Collins said, upon entering the sitting room. “Our maid’s just told me you’ve arrived. How good to see you, my friend! It’s been too long.”

“Certainly.” Darcy said, returning to a steel-faced demeanor. He needed one to be able to handle being around Mr Collins without decking him across the face.

“I assume you’re here to see my dear cousin Elizabeth. You know, it’s a shame she never got married. She wasn’t a bad looking girl back in the day. You wouldn’t happen to know if anyone had been sweet on her?”

“Yes. But she rejected him, much as she rejected you.”

“What a shame. But she only wished to marry for the deepest love, and that only seems to appear once in a generation.” Abruptly, the man seemed to lose interest in the conversation and changed the subject. “I say, I have a new book of sermons that’s absolutely thrilling. I’ve been reading it to Charlotte and Elizabeth after dinner, and they both seem to quite enjoy it.”

Darcy could picture Lizzy sitting there as Mr Collins droned on, nodding off while the man lectured. It almost gave him a smile. “I’m sure they do. It’s kind of you to let Elizabeth live here, even though her parents are gone.”

“Of course. As a member of the church, I feel as though I must extend the necessary charities to my relatives. Lady Catherine always encourages me to be charitable, just as she has been. Have you gone to see your delightful aunt since you’ve been back?”

“Unfortunately I have not. Though I doubt I will be able to, as I plan on returning to Pemberley as soon as I leave here.”

“Will you be staying the night?”

“I don’t think—“

“Nonsense! Of course you will. We have more than enough room, what with all of the children off and married. Have you any bags?”

“Just a suitcase.”

“I’ll send the maid to bring it in immediately. We barely ever get any of our old friends coming by, and there is just so much I must tell you about what’s happened in the parsonage!”

“I’m sure there is.” Darcy quickly calculated an escape plan. “But I think I might like to go for a walk before dinner.”

“I’ll come with you, and talk about my thoughts on these new sermons.”

“Actually, I’d quite like to be alone.”

“Well, you don’t have to reply.”

“I mean it, Mr Collins. Please let me be.” 

And with that, he was out the door and down the path. 

Darcy didn’t really have any idea where he was going. He just saw a path into the woods and followed it. But he needed to get out of there, both to free his mind and escape the dreaded Mr Collins. He came upon a bench overlooking a pond, and decided to rest there for awhile. 

“Funny finding you here.” The voice of Elizabeth said from behind him. “I thought you’d run off immediately after our… altercation.”

“No, but I had to leave once I encountered your delightful cousin.”

“Ah. I see Mr Collins is home.”

“Yes, he is, and he’s incredibly enthusiastic about talking to me about his sermons. I don’t remember him ever being so loud about it.”

“Well, Lady Catherine encourages him to speak up, so naturally, he’s become even more insufferable.”

“How do you manage to live with him?”

“It’s a challenge, I won’t deny it.” She sat down beside him on the bench, making sure she had slid as far as she could away from him. “I’d like to apologize for my behavior earlier.”

“It’s fine. You had every right to be angry.”

“But I didn’t have the right to snap at you. I was just caught off guard is all. Thirty years is a long time to go without seeing someone who you used to l— like, as a friend.”

“I know. I almost considered not coming, but I figured you ought to know where I’ve been.”

“I’m glad you did. I wouldn’t want to have heard about your return from local gossip. My mother isn’t around to talk, but word still travels faster than you could ever imagine.”

“I heard about your mother and father. I’m sorry about that.”

“Well, we all die, Mr Darcy. Sooner or later, we will have to meet our maker. We must only hope that it’s later.”

“Very true. And hope that we do not regret the past.”

“Do not regret the past, Mr Darcy. Hope for the future.”

Darcy pondered that for a moment. Lizzy had always been good with words, but she seemed to have gotten even more eloquent with age. “Well said. And I suppose you’re right. Living with regret is no way to live.” Even though he had been living with it these last thirty years. 

“Exactly.” Lizzy leaned back in the bench, becoming more relaxed. “Speaking to you is so much better than talking to Mr Collins. He always tries to interrupt with some noble tidbit that somehow ties in to Lady Catherine.”

“If there is one thing that has not changed these last thirty years, it is Mr Collins.”

“If he is to change, it is at glacial pace. I think the only thing that’s changed at all is his hair color, which has slowly but surely transitioned to grey. Other than that, he is still the same old Collins.” She paused to look at Darcy’s face. “You don’t seem to have changed much either.”

“I like to think that I have matured in my old age.” 

“Like a fine wine.”

“Or smelly cheese.”

Lizzy smiled. “Then we are both smelly cheese, for I say that I have matured as well.”

“You seem to have matured better than I, though. My hair is filled with grey, whereas you have barely a grey strand atop your head.”

“You don’t look so bad. In fact, I think the salt and pepper look suits you.”

“You do? I’ve always been worried it’s unflattering.”

“Nonsense. You look fine.”

Darcy felt himself blush at that, and decided to change the subject. “I see Charlotte must have come out and talked to you.”

“Yes, yes. It is nice, having her here to talk to, and ask for advice and whatnot. She’s wise, though she doesn’t look it. Perhaps she should have been the preacher, and Mr Collins the housewife.”

“But then how could he have become so enthralled with Fordyce’s Sermons?”

“True. Perhaps he should have been a monk and taken a vow of silence so no one would have to hear his incessant yapping.”

“Maybe in another universe.”

Lizzy chuckled. “Sometimes I do feel bad, making fun of him so, since he is my cousin and married to my best friend. But he is just insufferable. I absolutely cannot stand the man as soon as he opens his mouth.”

“Why not move, then?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Longbourn is my childhood home, and the Collins’ family were kind enough to let me and mother stay once father passed. I suppose I’m just sentimental in my old age.”

“Would Jane not take you in? Or one of your other sisters?”

“I’ve never thought to leave, really. Sure, I visit, but I always end up coming back here.”

Darcy thought about that for a moment. “I suppose the real question is, would you ever want to move?”

“I think I would, yes. But it would have to be for a good reason.” 

“I would not expect anything less.”

Charlotte appeared beside them. “I see you two have made up.”

“We have.” Lizzy stood up. “Hopefully it shall prevent tension over the dinner table.”

“Very good. Lizzy, I wanted to talk to you before dinner, do you have a moment?”

“Of course.”

Charlotte looked over to Darcy. “Dinner will be served in a half an hour, Mr Darcy.”

Darcy nodded. “Thank you.”

The duo walked off, arm in arm, and began whispering diligently about something, before both laughing loudly. Darcy knew they were probably talking about him. Times may have changed, but their sense of humor certainly hadn’t. He stood, anxiously smoothed his jacket, and began making his way back to the house, stopping before he entered to prepare himself for once again encountering Mr Collins. 

——————

Darcy managed to find himself sitting directly next to Elizabeth, and throughout most of dinner they made small talk. She talking about what had happened in the area while he had been gone, he about his various travels. None of it was particularly intimate, as their last conversation had been, but he was so relieved to be able to talk to her that he didn’t mind at all. Mr Collins, of course, kept trying to bring up his opinions on the subject, but they simply talked over him. By the time dinner was over, Darcy yearned to converse with Lizzy more, to hear more about her life, to see all that she had done these thirty long years. He was perfectly happy to listen while she talked, without so much as commenting on his part. 

Darcy took a sip of wine. “How are your sisters doing? I hope they are well.”

Lizzy nodded. “Quite, thank you. Jane is happy, as she just published her third book. She’s an author now, if you didn’t know.”

“Bingley has kept me informed of his wife’s writing. It’s quite good.”

“I’d never thought you’d be the type to enjoy a contemporary romance novel.”

“My taste in literature varies greatly, as I’m sure yours does.”

“True, true. Now, tell me, from a man’s point of view, do you find yourself relating to the protagonist, or the love interest?”

“I tend to relate to both in equal measure. Both often have amiable qualities.”

Lizzy smirked. “You’ve certainly become quite the diplomat, Mr Darcy, not looking to side with one or the other.”

“I see not why I should have to choose a side, when I am not the demographic for such a book. You, however, ought to have a differing opinion on the matter, as you are the target demographic.”

“I find myself relating to neither the protagonist or the love interest, whereas instead I relate to the poor spinster aunt, with no husband, children, nor fortune.”

“Surely that cannot be the case.”

“But it is. And I do not regret it. It was my choice not to marry, and I will be forced to stick with it to the end of my days.”

“There has been no one whom you ever even considered marrying?”

“Of course I…” She paused. “What are you implying, Mr Darcy?”

Darcy, seeing that she was becoming defensive, quickly attempted to change the subject. “Is the library still as fine here as it was thirty years ago?”

“You’re not escaping the question, good sir. What were you implying?”

Darcy sighed. “I just wished to know if you had ever genuinely considered marrying anyone. I see now I should not have asked so personal a question, and for that I apologize.”

“It’s fine. Just try to think before you speak in the future, else you might get an answer that you might not want.” 

“Of course.”

After dinner ended, and an awkward silence consumed the room, the party transferred into one of the drawing rooms. Mr Collins, excited to have a new guest, began to read from a book of sermons loudly and increasingly boringly. The night churned on ever slowly, and Darcy was glad when Mr Collins looked towards the clock and announced that he would be heading to bed, his wife deciding to join him. 

“I can hardly believe they ever had children.” Lizzy said, when the Collins’s were safely out of the room. “To think of having to share a bed with Mr Collins is absolutely repulsive to me.”

Darcy did not respond, not knowing quite what to say. 

“Have you any plans, now that you’ve returned?”

“Tomorrow I shall head back to Pemberley and see what I can do with the property. Most of the servants are gone, and the few that stayed had quite a job of keeping up the house. The gardens are in quite disarray.”

“That’s a shame. Your gardens were quite lovely.”

“I think I shall leave before the Collins’s are awake, so as to avoid a lengthy goodbye. No offense.”

“None taken. It’s a good idea. Mr Collins likes to talk extensively about how partings are so good for the soul, and nonsense like that.”

“I suppose you’ll be glad to see me go.”

Darcy, prepared for the worst, had not expected her answer. “Actually, I will be quite sad. As much as I hate to admit it, you are a very dear friend, and after thirty years, it has been nice to catch up. I shall be very sad indeed.”

“Then do not bother waking for my departure, so as to avoid any further sadness.”

“No, I will see you off.” She stood and walked over to him, where he was standing near a window. “I don’t want you disappearing without saying goodbye again.”

Darcy felt his heart beginning to race. The close proximity, even though they still stood about a foot apart, was setting it aflutter. “Perhaps… perhaps we should retire, if I am to depart so early in the morning.”

“Of course.”

Neither of them made any motion to move. Darcy’s eyes perused her face. Yes, she had aged, but she had aged quite gracefully. For a woman in her fifties, she was still just as beautiful as she had been thirty years ago. And he still felt the same yearning as he did, the same wish to hold her, to kiss her, to even just be near her. Her dark eyes were still the same ones that had so enticed his emotion. 

“Mr Darcy…” Lizzy muttered after a moment, but she didn’t complete the thought. 

Slowly, hesitantly, Darcy brought a hand up and gently stroked her cheek. Instead of turning away, she leaned into his touch, sighing. 

Abruptly, a servant came into the room, shattering the brief moment they had constructed. Darcy quickly took his hand away and shoved it into his pocket, murmured out an apology, and dashed off into the hall, where a servant showed him to the guest room.

As Darcy lay in bed, he found his thoughts once again consumed with Miss Elizabeth Bennet. Evidently, thirty years had taught him nothing. He was still the same man who would run off, dash away the second any situation occurred which could compromise his emotions. He was a coward, and he knew it. But it was too late now. Hopefully, she would not keep her promise of seeing him off, so he could be spared any further embarrassment. 

——————

It was still dark when Darcy made his way out of the house towards his carriage. Pemberley awaited him, which was the excuse he used for why he was so early in leaving. He knew that his desperate hope of not seeing Elizabeth again was dashed when he saw her standing on Longbourne’s lawn, ready for his departure. 

“Good morning.” He said hesitantly as he approached her. 

“And to you. I told you I would see you off.”

“Yes, you did.” They fell into silence for a moment, which Darcy quickly tried to escape. “Sleep well?”

“Not particularly. And you?”

“No, not really.” He checked his pocketwatch. “Well, I should be going.”

“Right. Well, it was lovely to see you again. Do come to visit.”

“I will. And you can visit Pemberley as often as you should like.”

Lizzy seemed to be thinking whether or not to say something. Apparently, she made up her mind. “Mr Darcy, you know I have missed you terribly. Thirty years ago, we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, but when you were no longer there… it hurt.”

“I know. And I should not have left without telling you. I have regretted it each day of my life.” He closed his eyes and took a breath, trying to keep himself steady. “But we cannot look back, only forward.”

“How right you are. Just promise me you’ll never run off like that again.”

“I promise.”

Satisfied, she nodded, before giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Goodbye, Darcy.”

“Goodbye, Elizabeth.” He hoped that she wouldn’t notice just how much he was blushing. 

“We’ve known each other for thirty years, I think you can start calling me Lizzy.”

“I might.”

“But you also might not.”

Darcy smiled slightly. “We shall have to see.”

For the entire carriage ride home, Darcy’s hand kept unconsciously going up to brush where Lizzy had kissed him on the cheek. He knew it had just been a friendly gesture, but the mere memory of it had directed all of his thoughts towards her. He hoped, a desperate, blind hope that he might still stand a chance with her, even after so many years apart, and after Darcy had so foolishly left without telling her. But at the very least, she still wanted to be friends. And after that moment last night, he realized that his love may not be so unrequited after all. 

Once arriving at Pemberley, Darcy set to work at once. He organized the remaining servants to get the house back up to snuff, and worked to hire more servants for the continued running of it. He organized the gardeners and how he wanted the garden to look, and soon, the house was bustling with workers. By the time a week had passed, the house looked almost as good as new. 

“Mr Darcy, sir.” His butler said, holding a package. “These are all letters that came for you while you were away. The business ones we took care of, but the personal ones we decided to leave until you came back.”

“Good. Thank you. I’ll go through them when I get the chance.” 

He didn’t get the chance, until much later last night. He sat in his drawing room after dinner and opened the package, dozens of letters spilling out. Some were from family members, a few who had already died, so he threw those away. Some a few mildly concerned friends, but none ever wrote more than once or twice. Several from Mrs Bennet, begging him to come to house parties long past. Nothing of much worth. 

But the most abundant letters were the ones from a most unlikely author. Elizabeth had written him at least twenty times herself, and the sight of the sheer number filled him with guilt. He organized them by order of date, and began reading with the earliest. 

The first few were nothing special. Small talk, offers to attend parties. But as they went along, they became more personal. More emotional. He realized that she had suspected him to be dead, or worse. 

After an hour or two, he reached the last one. It was written in her now-recognizable hand, but Darcy felt as though this one was different from the others. 

_My dearest Mr Darcy,_

_It has been decades since you disappeared. I have come to the conclusion that you will likely not be returning, and this letter will never reach your hands. It is both saddening and comforting, because I wish I could have said it sooner, in person. But I know I will not have to face the consequences, should your opinion have changed, as you will probably never read this._

_I suppose I shall just come right out and say it. I love you, Mr Darcy. I have loved you for quite some time, but you disappeared before I could say. Initially, I waited for you, which is why I never married. Once I realized you would not be coming back, I decided that I could not be happy with any other man. For you are the only person whom I have ever felt what one can consider to be true love, and I knew that I could never feel it again._

_I love you, Darcy. Truly. I so wish you could have known. But then, I suppose life is never easy, and neither is love._

_I shall sign off here. I hope you are doing well, wherever you are. I suppose if you had died, your estate would have been passed on, so you probably haven’t. I just wish you’d come back. I should so like to kiss you. I don’t feel so bad saying that here, since no one will likely ever read this._

_Your lovely admirer,_

_Lizzy_

Darcy had to wipe away his tears before they hit the paper. How wrong he had been. How very, very, stupidly wrong. If he had had any skills at all in reading people, he should have known that she returned his affections. He was, without a doubt, an absolute fool. 

He stuffed the letter into his breast pocket and stood, mind a blur. Darcy began to walk around his house aimlessly, trying to figure out what he should do next. Time travel was not a reasonable option, so he would have to resort to something else. Within seconds, he came to a resolution. He would go back to Longbourne and confess his love to her, and hope that she would not conk him upside the head. 

As he made his way back to his drawing room, he was stopped by his butler. “Mr Darcy, another letter just came for you.”

Excitement briefly passed over him, before realizing that it was not in Lizzy’s hand. No, instead it seemed to be from Charlotte. Unfortunately, it was not so positive. In fact, Charlotte seemed to be just short of begging Darcy to stay away. She knew how Darcy had hurt her dear friend in the past, and didn’t want her to be hurt again. 

Darcy understood Charlotte’s reasoning behind the letter. And, were he the same man he had been thirty years ago, he might have payed attention to it. But he was older now, and more willing to take risks. So he tossed Charlotte’s letter off to the side, got his things ready, and prepared to head off to Longbourne. 

As he headed towards the door, one of his footmen ran up to him. “Sir, there’s someone at the door looking for you. Should I tell her you’re leaving?”

“No, I’ll see them.” Could it be that Elizabeth had come, in a direct contradiction to her friend’s letter?

No, instead, it was Lizzy’s sister, Jane. Jane looked very much the same as she had thirty years ago, a quality that seemed to run in the family.

“Mrs Bingley. How nice to see you. Is your husband well?” 

“Quite, thank you. He told me you were back in Derbyshire, and have since been to Meryton to visit Longbourn.”

“I have. Would you like to come in?”

“No, I don’t believe this will take long. Now, if I’m remembering correctly, you harbored a certain affection for my sister back before you left.”

“That is true, yes.”

“And are you aware of the fact that she developed an affection for you that she only came to terms with after you left?”

Guilt swept over Darcy once more. “Yes.”

“I guess what I’m meaning to say is, I don’t want you to hurt my sister again.”

“So you want me to stay away from her. Charlotte said the same thing.”

Jane shook her head. “On the contrary. I want you to pursue her. My sister is sad, and has been for quite some time. I’ve not seen her so happy as when she said you had come back.”

“I’m glad.”

“I want you both to be happy. You’re Charles’s closest friend, and Lizzy is my sister. So I don’t want you to mess this up.”

“I know I’ve made mistakes in the past, and I would like to rectify them. I intend to marry her.” He was almost surprised at how fast the words spilled out. 

“And you promise not to break her heart?”

“I am too old now to even consider it. No, I am here to stay.”

Jane nodded, content. “Then my job here is done. Have a good day, Mr Darcy.”

“And you, Mrs Bingley.”

——————

Darcy could not have picked a worst day to decide to propose. A downpour began early in the morning, and was still raging on when Darcy reached Longbourn. By the time someone answered the door, he was soaking wet. A servant brought him into the same drawing room as before and soon brought him a towel to dry himself off. He desperately hoped that he wouldn’t drip on the floor, but to no avail. 

“Mr Darcy?” Lizzy exclaimed, upon seeing him standing there, dripping rainwater onto the furniture. “How long were you standing outside.”

“Not too long. It’s raining quite hard.”

“Would you like to go change? Charlotte and Mr Collins aren’t here, they went to Rosings.”

“I didn’t bring any clothes.” He probably should have, but he was in a rush and hadn’t thought to bring any. “And besides, what I have to say can’t wait.”

“Then, please talk so we can get you dried off.”

Darcy wrung his hands, anxiety welling up within him. “I received the letters you had written me.”

Lizzy grew pink. “I see.”

“You are far more eloquent than I in the written word.” He took a deep breath. “But I did not come to discuss the quality of your letters, but the content.”

“I didn’t expect you to ever read those letters. I thought you were gone.”

“I know, and for that I deeply apologize. But as I am here now, and I know that you share the same affections that I feel towards you. So I want you to know that I still love you, Elizabeth. Most ardently. I was a fool to leave.”

Lizzy’s expression changed from embarrassment to something softer. “Yes, you were. But I know that you’ve changed. So have I.”

“Will you marry me?”

“God, yes. I’ve waited thirty years for you to ask.”

Immediately, he took her hand and kissed it. “I know I’ve been an ass in the past, Lizzy, but I promise you, I will do my best to make you happy in every form of the word.”

“I know, now shut up and kiss me.” 

Darcy was very happy to oblige, and did what he had wanted to do for the last thirty years. He kissed her, passionately, without care for what others might think. His years had changed him, and he was no longer the prideful, vain younger man he had been. He understood, now, how to love. And he would love Lizzy in the way that she deserved.

**Author's Note:**

> Also yes I am hinting at the beginning that Darcy is bi. If you know my writing, you know I headcanon practially everyone I can as bi. And really, why not.


End file.
